Happiness in a Train

First I didn’t get him. All I saw, his swollen lips were murmuring something and he was pointing towards his bag, kept below seat near his foot. I asked, what? His lips moved again. But still I was not able to hear anything. What is wrong with this person? And, then I remembered, oh God, my Ipod! I removed the white coloured earphone with little embarrassment. I was really sorry and I was going to express that. But then, I heard him; offering me a crazy proposal, which was titillating and outrageous at the same time. Do you want a peg? His fingers were in a position like holding a glass. I didn’t fully comprehend him first. Is he out of his mind? Offering me a drink, a complete stranger and more than 20 years older than me! And that too here, in a moving train!!! I simply didn’t know how to react. I nodded my head negatively and was about to plug in back the earphone; I heard him telling that he wouldn’t mind if I joined him. I pretended not to listen this time and plugged in earphone into ears. Eminem was playing ‘Lose Yourself’ by then, one of my all time favourite songs. I wanted to sink in the solid lyrics and rhythmic beats, but to my surprise, curiosity had already mounted and I found myself stealing glances to this stranger, sitting in front of me, pouring a water coloured liquid in a plastic glass from an innocent looking water bottle. I was dumbfounded and at same time entertained by his courage. I mean it is illegal to consume alcohol in train compartment and that too openly, without even a formal permission of co-passengers; but this person was seemed to be least bothered of those facts. He continued his drinking and kept offering others in vain. I knew by my natural intuition that he was not being liked by anyone here, by any of co-passengers. But strangely he was looking happy. Before he shifted his attention to me, I stared away, now through the window, to the moving horizon.

I was on my way to Chennai from Delhi on a tatkal ticket in Duronto Express and though I preferred an A/C ticket, I landed with a sleeper one, partly due to the legendary speed of IRCTC server during tatkal time and partly due to my laziness, not wanting to stand in queue for several hours in a railway station. But services of sleeper in Duronto was comparatively better than others, for its inclusive foods (though discrimination is obvious; menu of A/C is different) and a bedroll. And most of all, there is a power-plug in each coupe, which actually was the main driving force for me to prefer A/C classes! Everything was fine, except this strange person. I saw after some time, he became completely drunk and rode up the upper bunker to sleep. And that moment, a strange thought came to me. How this person can be so happy, when nobody likes him?

My simple motto of living is to be happy. But I screwed up badly. After thirty years of living, can I say that I’m happy? You are right buddy. I am taking a long pause before answering. And my answer is predictable too. Well, you know, life is complicated. Then what’s about this train guy! How can he be so happy and courageous and confident about his own choices? How he can go to sleep in upper bunker after being drunk in a public train and drawing ire of fellow passengers? I didn’t know then and I don’t know now. But I was bound to compare my life with him late that night. And, to my disgust, I felt inferior. I don’t look sad, grumpy or wrinkled old. I also am not frustrated or depressed and I laugh a lot. I have a job, many people consider more secure than Presidential Bunker in White House! Then why in the deep down heart I feel that I’m not happy.

Anatomy of a failed and disgruntled past is always painful, but the autopsy often leads to a clearer picture. I recollected that night, painfully, my decisions of past, some willingly, some by force. I cursed myself for being un-pragmatic and non-futuristic. I felt jealousy towards my ‘better-doing’ friends, settled in dream countries. I thought I would cry and scream till my last breath to my ill-fate. And slowly then, I started to remember the good things happened to me. And I remembered my father’s advice, a wrong decision is better than indecision. Atleast I tried to be happy and still dream of that. I felt good. Though I was sure that sleep was the last thing in that night, but with slow rhythm of train I sunk into the dark, didn’t know when.

Next day, I woke up with high pitched voices. Two persons were shouting at each other, and one of them was that ‘drunk’ passenger. He seemed very angry with an old Sardar, whose seat was in the same coupe, but at the side upper. I asked a young boy, probably a college-student, about the cause of this sudden ‘outbreak’. He smiled at me and told me something I was not ready to. I started laughing. Yesterday this ‘happy’ person had offered drink to that Sardar too among others, but Sardar denied; and he claimed in morning that in midnight he had noticed Sardar taking patiyala pegs, secretly. He charged Sardar in morning for being unfriendly yesterday, and hell broke loose. I got up, and went to the toilet.

But how peculiar! A sudden relief came to me by watching this ‘Happy Man’ unhappy too.