She loves me! She loves me not!!

She loves me! She loves me not! I guess there's no way to know it - she's that puzzling. 

One night - midnight it was, I woke up with a queer feeling of being drowned, as if I was tied to a heavy rock, and the rock was sinking bottom at rocket pace. I felt moist on my lips and an exploring tongue in my mouth, both familiar. I pretended to be asleep and she kissed me for minutes, before going back to sleep. She wasn't looking for anything more, I knew because I knew her, and because she was in love with me. 

And then the other morning, late it was, I woke up and smelt stale, as if even the air froze in fear, and I seriously wanted to remain half-dead on my bed. It got worse. I heard her thumps on the floor and heavy breath all around. I sneaked a peek - her round face was growling in silence, as if she ate a gulp of cumulonimbus clouds and couldn't digest. I knew it was me. I knew because I knew her, and because she had a perpetual anger towards me.

Most of you guys will agree, being a husband is difficult. Nothing can prepare you for this thankless role. You can only evolve. Now imagine, if you can, being the husband of a strong woman, who is smarter, more practical and a big time earner. Mark my words, you’ll never know what you mean to her.

I stopped. I don't need to know, I tell myself. If I ask her, she blurts out - I loved you, not anymore. And I can recollect thousands of those moments, when she has been never truer to her words. But also, there have been moments, scarcer they maybe, when her voice becomes drowned in affection and she does baby-talk. Now I'm confused. 

One side, you have hard truth - a fading love-story mimicking countless others, obliterated by the hammer of irreversible changes and brutal time. And on the other hand, you have science and years of research and hope - a theory of affection and baby-talk.

According to the affection exchange theory, which was proposed by the communication researcher Kory Floyd, specific vocal behaviours signal affection. These include the use of a high pitch, exaggerated intonation and a soft voice—traits that just so happen to overlap with the way most people talk to babies.

And then according to psychology, baby-talk in relationships is nectar for couples. It includes: 

using cute and loving names (check),

playing (check), and 

showing heightened emotions around your partner (check).

They say it is a way of evoking positive emotion by mimicking the way a baby talks. And who knows better than me that she is a child in a grownup shell.

And here begins the paradox. She is sort of a child, whom you can't chide, can't raise your voice at, or even can't invite a tinge of annoyance in your tone. She is a child who demands constant attention and then zero reason and accountability. She is a sweet dream which pushes you to the realm of nightmares.

I live with the paradox, and can't say that I'm not enjoying it.