The Good, Bad and Exhausted

Oh my god! So this means parenting? This is what Taniya doing for the last four years! It’s mind-boggling, super challenging and yes, freaking exhausting.

At first I must’ve done something wrong - I must’ve stumbled or hesitated to the point that my smallest one, Oishikaa blatantly refused to stay with me. She’d see me through her big round eyes from the safest lap of her granny, and must be pondering over the identity of this weird bearded guy, who was suddenly all upon her to take her to his lap and bribe with toys. She’s only eight months, but she’s got a solid personality. Gotta respect that - even though as a father, who was seeing his babies in months, I hated that.

There was always a tinge of wonder mixed with concern, whenever I thought about my daughters and the way I’d behave in front of them, when they’d begin staying with me. It was a wonderful moment, when I saw them walking out slowly from plane, as if my two missing organs and parts of soul were found and returned to me by an anonymous good hearted soul (though I knew, I was wrong - it was Taniya). However, Vedantika - the crown jewel of my heart recognised me and let me snuggle her. I smelled her hair, neatly bound in a ponytail and her skin, fresh like lemon. She snickered when I rubbed my nose on her neck and kissed her cheek. And when I hold her up to my lap, I had to hide my face into her little shoulder, as treacherous eyes got moistened all of a sudden and I knew, it was definitely not pain.

But I couldn’t show them that - for my babies just left their mother for the first time, and that was  the real pain. I put a big smile on my face, as I always do. I got out of airport with them and reached my rental home, which I was arranging and rearranging for months for this occasion.

Watching kids play is the biggest stress-reliever, till you’re a player yourself or an inexperienced father. I couldn’t fathom the depth of their innovativeness in inventing new games and sun-like energy to play it for hours. I bought a slide for Vedantika, and I couldn’t say that I was happy when she started sliding down in absolutely nonsensical poses or jumped down from top of the ladder instead of sliding, as was normal or in heart-to-mouth scenarios, Oishikaa crawled up the slide way upto top and released her hands, only every god-damn time making me scream and run and catch her from falling down straight to floor.

Why it is always that two siblings are opposite from each other? Oishikaa is a classic naughty - even in eight months, she has proved to spoil anyone’s perfect day and ruin a good sleep. She wants nothing we offer her for, but everything Vedantika is playing with. And Vedantika is shy - even in four years, she doesn’t want anything but her blanket, water-bottle and tab. In a way, she hates eating, whereas Oishikaa enjoys putting everything in her tiny mouth. When it’s time to be angry, Vedantika silently goes away to another room and cries till somebody comforts her, whereas Oishikaa screams in her yet-to-be deciphered, but clearly-understood words, until somebody gives her what she wants. And I fell in love with both of them.

Nobody, not even Taniya demanded so much from me. And not a single demand was monetary, which I could’ve obliged with more ease, but they went for my time and energy, which I clearly lacked. I worked under the supreme leader of my pan-India organisation, and when he kept calling me at odd hours forgetting my requests to spare me for few days, I had clearly no say. So there was I, returning home at nine and before even changing dress, listened Vedantika about her day. Then she took me to her doll house and slide and drawings. In the meantime, Oishikaa came along riding through my legs, demanding my lap. Vedantika didn’t prefer that - she protested, but Oishikaa in her own style shooed away. Angry and sad Vedantika did her protocol - going to another room and crying, until I went there and cuddled her reminding that Oishikaa was part of our family too and should be taken care of. She listened and resumed playing with me and her sister, but sought more attention as she was bigger and it was logical. By the time both finished their dinner, I was one hundred percent exhausted. I changed my dress, took a bath and then took them to bedroom. I remembered Taniya used to yell over their sleeping patterns, specially of Oishikaa’s, and I understood the veracity and intensity of her cry, when I faced it. 

Vedantika sleeps on bed, while somebody pats her back and sings a song and Oishikaa sleeps on lap, while somebody walks the rooms and let her pull everything in her vicinity. But with me nobody slept. The little one crossed my body as if she was trekking mountains and the big one stared at the ceiling, as if she was watching stars and counting them. Sometimes I had to look up at ceiling to check if she was seriously looking at something interesting. And after couple of hours, when clock stroke twelve and I was two hundred percent exhausted, their granny took over and I sighed and finished my dinner.

Silence never sounded so melodious before, when they slept. And though I had office tomorrow, I couldn’t stop watching them sleeping. They looked divine.

Time spent like corporation water. I found myself one morning with in-laws and kids at airport. By this time, both of my daughters came so close of me. Last night, both of them played with me for long and even slept with me. And after security, when I kissed Vedantika and told her to be good girl as she always was, she whimpered. She wanted me to come with her to Kolkata. I promised her that I’d be with her pretty soon - in her parlance, by tomorrow.

She understood. She was more mature than me. For I knew she probably wouldn’t cry and wait for me and my promise, but this time my eyes wouldn’t stop, and I wouldn’t want them to stop. ‘Coz now it was the real pain.