An Uneventful Office Day

Good morning sir. Good morning madam.

When I reach my office; take the stairs or lift for first floor; pass the narrow corridor connecting two massive buildings; pass the room of personal secretary of supreme boss of this office; enter the section and take my own seat, I have to utter these two sentences indefinite times. I wonder why these sentences are never cliché! We use them millions times, but we don’t get bored!! Probably they are like salt, just like the title of my little blog. And, I get to hear only the first part, most of the times though without ‘sir’. The funniest part is I really don’t know whom to call what! Everybody looks Roman to me. So irrespective of ranks I greet everyone with ‘sir’ or ‘madam’.

I have noticed a peculiar tradition here. While greeting each other, people raise their right hands a little straight. If hand touches forehead, the person in front must be of some importance; if it’s at chest level, then the person is of equal status; but if the person you’re greeting is ‘lower’ than you, your hand shouldn’t shake more than the slightest tremor in Perkinson’s disease! Or you simply nod your head, as by your gracious virtue you are accepting the presence of these poor subjects. I get this nod most of the time.

My table is always messy as the life of mine. That doesn’t mean I never tried to organize things. My girlfriend can testify for that. When I was in Delhi for my little but costly tryst with Civil Service preparation, I tried to keep my room arranged with sincere efforts. When I asked my girlfriend, if it was ok to her that I stay in her apartment, the first condition she put forth was, I had to clean my room on my own and had to do it properly!! And thus in morning, after a little jogging, I used to clean my room with a small vacuum cleaner, I bought from Filpkart; I used to keep my clothes & books in proper place (I mean not on the bed); and moreover, I used to keep my shoes in a corner rack and fruits-vegetables in the refrigerator! I started changing and was hoping to transform a civilized one soon. But my dream lasted short, as my tryst with preparation. After few days of staying together I discovered with horror and surprisingly happiness the terrific secrets of her. SHE WAS NO BETTER THAN ME! Her clothes were piling under the bed away from my eyes; she didn’t use vacuum cleaner citing her electro phobia, so she never cleaned her apartment; her kitchen became the dirtiest one, I ever saw, even worse than my own kitchen and the best part was, she also had the habit of forgetting to wash the clothes, after soaking them for couple of days, pretending to be busy. I was happy, and when I confronted her with her secrets, she protested in vain, and at last agreed to my own terms, which was quite simple, live and let live. Thus I lost my last chance of reincarnation.

More than half part of my office table is always covered with files, recent & old; and the other half or less contains a full set of desktop, some rough papers I used yesterday, office stationeries, which are scattered as ugly as possible and a used stained paper coffee cup, I forgot to throw in waste-bin below the table yesterday. Though technically, cleaning table is not my job and two full time contingents are being appointed for this purpose, but I never found them cleaning this one for some unknown reasons. May be they become confused what to keep and what to throw! I don’t blame them, for I too become confused sometimes! You have to see my drawers to fully understand my confusion!!!

Scariest part of a Govt Job & Challenges

Those who have experiences of working in government offices obviously know the best part of it, the security of getting paid. Whatever happens to government or economy or world; no matter how they survive, government officials are bound to be paid at the end of the month. We joke, when country is in recession, we keep it alive. That’s may be true, but do you know the scariest part of working in a government office? I’m telling you. Searching a file. I mean, if an outsider, naïve to the government business, sees us searching a file must wonders, what the hell these children are doing?

It may start with a simple phone call in morning or simply out of sudden. Someone from Board or any office in Delhi calls for a report, which they always claim to be of most urgent and to be faxed same day before lunch. My Superintendents get the heat from their boss or super boss and pass exactly the same, perhaps with more vigour to us, Inspectors. I never understand why the concept of hierarchy in our office always ends with Inspectors! We can’t pass anything, can’t blame on others; we just take the heat and begin to work.

The first challenge is to locate the specific letter. The letter is somewhere in this big office. The search starts from the Inward Correspondence Pad, shortly IC Pad, where hundreds of letters come to rest in peace everyday! And, if unfortunately the letter is not there, searching perimeter widens. It starts with everyone’s table, and I have often noticed that without any bias, my table is first destination for search operators. The letter may be hidden in the pile of files! Atleast it seems so. They search all my files one by one. I join them too. I open my drawer; search among a heap of old papers like the Spanish searched the gold of Inka. But just like them, we get unlucky. After everybody’s table is searched we inform our section head. His smile fades with the news and now with a grim face, again the whole procedure starts. The table of mine gets a newer look with every search, uglier than before. Somebody even looks at the below of the tables. Someone frantically searches internet for a copy of the letter. And, the innocent IC Pad is tortured by everyone countless times being opened and closed and is cursed for not having this piece of paper. In the mean time my section head gets a call from his boss enquiring the letter. He panics. He fumbles. Boss calls him in his chamber immediately. And, like a goat to be sacrificed he gives a sad glance to us. The sight is heart-whelming. We stand like a statue. Before leaving our room he utters few words, though inaudible but comprehensible. Please find the god-damn letter!

At last we locate it. Ironically, most of the times it is found on the table of section head himself! His smile widens. We sigh with relief. Somebody among us is allotted the work. We go back to our respective tables. And then, another challenge comes, now bigger than before.

WHERE IS THE FILE, MAN?

Thousands of files are rested in tens of scary looking big Godrej almirahs. Hundreds are there on everyone’s table. And, hundreds more are still packed in few cupboards. They are yet to be unbound, after shifting of our office a couple of years ago. It is indeed is a bigger challenge!! We look at each other with tired faces and we begin search. We spread ourselves. We search almirahs, tables, drawers, cup-boards everywhere, including section head’s table. We search among the files, which are now untouchables, living in the spider webs and dusts. Some of my colleagues from other sections sneak in through the door, smiling cunningly. Oh! Look at these poor guys. Though most of the time we’re able to locate the file, sometime it seems the whole file is vanished!! We continue search. Somebody inform section head. This time he looks at his watch. It’s already one o’clock! Lunch time has started. The dead line is over. That means we have rest of the day to think about the vicious report. He looks up. He smiles calmly, and speaks in God’s voice.

No problem. Just open a new file. After lunch we’ll see it.