A Precarious Smile
In Mauritius, people smile at
each other. Even strangers. It’s often a nod – an acknowledgement of a fellow
stranger’s presence. I spent my last month in Mauritius, and had to nod quite
often – to the people I knew and complete unknowns – in roads, lanes,
hospitals, shops or in market. My head got adopted – kind of motor reflex. I
came back to India two days back, and I’m in trouble – well, my head is –
literally.
I generally greet securitymen
in my society as ‘Aur bhai? Kaise ho?’,
but yesterday I smiled and nodded at them. I didn’t want to - my head did, and
with that my lips. Both men were from Bihar and they used to raise their hands
to their foreheads in response to my usual greetings and say ‘Sir, badhiya’, very rarely ‘aapki kirpa’. But yesterday they stood
still – flabbergasted – I could sense their predicament. I didn’t stop. The
park was nearby – just a block away. I could see a flock of joggers at this
early morning – waking dead in this winter. But I could see two pair of dehati eyes
stitched on my back. Pagla ho gaya re
saala.
I didn’t dare to smile or nod
at park. I increased volume of my I-pod at max and walked fast – until my legs
sore and jacket became hot-furnace. I came back to my apartment – heads down;
and prepared for office. I parked my car at metro parking and then went to the
security. And shit. My head betrayed again. My lips doubled the harm.
Confidently I kept my bag on
belt for scan and then presented myself before a stout CISF man spreading my
hands wide – like Jesus. And like Him, and partly due to damn motor reflex, I
smiled and nodded towards the uniformed man holding a black beeping body-scanner,
only to be gazed by two ice-cold eyes. It took sometimes for my lips to fade
the smile, but the harm was done by then. I got patted thrice and had to open
up my purse and pockets. He suspected me to carry contrabands – otherwise why
should I smile at him!! I got the point – it was obviously my bad. My head deceived
me.
Lesson was received. Inside
train, I kept mum – opened a book and engrossed myself on pages, rather than
the faces surrounding me. I didn’t trust my head and my lips anymore. They
could drown me anytime. The book was deadly interesting – a thriller – The Girl
with the Dragon Tattoo, and when name of my station was announced, I had to
sprint back from an intriguing world of conspiracies and mysteries. I lined up
to alight at the station, and the girl in front of me glanced over her shoulder
– towards me. And BAAM!! My head - so far tight in its position – nodded instinctively
and a smile came from nowhere to my lips. The girl in her twenties didn’t look
back further, and when I was breaking down the staircase, I noticed that the girl looked this side once – confusion in her eyes, and
then walked away towards the exit.
I could feel the awkwardness in
my behavior – but my reflex wasn’t in my control. It occurred to me that the
girl could’ve slapped me or abused me verbally. Confusion makes women crazy –
it’s in their blood. I couldn’t blame the girl, if that happened. I was lucky.
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