A Precarious Smile


In Mauritius, people smile at each other. Even strangers. It’s often a nod – an acknowledgement of a fellow stranger’s presence. I spent my last month in Mauritius, and had to nod quite often – to the people I knew and complete unknowns – in roads, lanes, hospitals, shops or in market. My head got adopted – kind of motor reflex. I came back to India two days back, and I’m in trouble – well, my head is – literally.

I generally greet securitymen in my society as ‘Aur bhai? Kaise ho?’, but yesterday I smiled and nodded at them. I didn’t want to - my head did, and with that my lips. Both men were from Bihar and they used to raise their hands to their foreheads in response to my usual greetings and say ‘Sir, badhiya’, very rarely ‘aapki kirpa’. But yesterday they stood still – flabbergasted – I could sense their predicament. I didn’t stop. The park was nearby – just a block away. I could see a flock of joggers at this early morning – waking dead in this winter. But I could see two pair of dehati eyes stitched on my back. Pagla ho gaya re saala.

I didn’t dare to smile or nod at park. I increased volume of my I-pod at max and walked fast – until my legs sore and jacket became hot-furnace. I came back to my apartment – heads down; and prepared for office. I parked my car at metro parking and then went to the security. And shit. My head betrayed again. My lips doubled the harm.

Confidently I kept my bag on belt for scan and then presented myself before a stout CISF man spreading my hands wide – like Jesus. And like Him, and partly due to damn motor reflex, I smiled and nodded towards the uniformed man holding a black beeping body-scanner, only to be gazed by two ice-cold eyes. It took sometimes for my lips to fade the smile, but the harm was done by then. I got patted thrice and had to open up my purse and pockets. He suspected me to carry contrabands – otherwise why should I smile at him!! I got the point – it was obviously my bad. My head deceived me.

Lesson was received. Inside train, I kept mum – opened a book and engrossed myself on pages, rather than the faces surrounding me. I didn’t trust my head and my lips anymore. They could drown me anytime. The book was deadly interesting – a thriller – The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo, and when name of my station was announced, I had to sprint back from an intriguing world of conspiracies and mysteries. I lined up to alight at the station, and the girl in front of me glanced over her shoulder – towards me. And BAAM!! My head - so far tight in its position – nodded instinctively and a smile came from nowhere to my lips. The girl in her twenties didn’t look back further, and when I was breaking down the staircase, I noticed that the girl looked this side once – confusion in her eyes, and then walked away towards the exit.

I could feel the awkwardness in my behavior – but my reflex wasn’t in my control. It occurred to me that the girl could’ve slapped me or abused me verbally. Confusion makes women crazy – it’s in their blood. I couldn’t blame the girl, if that happened. I was lucky.

I pleaded to my head, and damn lips, ‘You are in India fuckers, not fucking Mauritius. Please behave’. I didn’t know they heard me or not – nobody hears me now-a-days, but I was sure that it’s gonna be a problem, until I become grumpy and serious again.

Comments

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